How to Watch a DVD in the Front Lounge

This great insight to life on the road comes from our friends at This Gig Sucks. It is a very accurate description of every mobile coach I have ever been on.

How to watch a DVD in the front Lounge:

  1. Rummage through sofa cushions for all 4 remotes.
  2. Complain there is no satellite signal.
  3. Ask driver to pull bus forward 5 feet.
  4. Ask driver to release ‘hold’ button for Dish roaming.
  5. Discuss whether signal is blocked by building next to the bus. Hint aloud that other bus parking might be available.
  6. Realize the Dish is not turned on. Turn it on.
  7. Do you need the Dish on to watch a DVD? Discuss.
  8. Only after disk owner gives a brief story about the disks’ provenance and expresses incredulity that everyone present hasn’t already seen this great movie which the owner has seen many times but likes so much he doesn’t mind watching again, insert disk into DVD.
  9. Randomly punch through input options on the receiver. Hearing nothing, turn volume up to 75.
  10. Resume hitting buttons until DVD soundtrack is heard without picture, extremely loudly. Adjust volume quickly, while others complain bitterly about your stupidity.
  11. Try to change TV channel with remote that is NOT PROGRAMMED FOR THIS FEATURE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PROGRAM THIS FEATURE NOW? [escape]. Search for another remote.
  12. Get sidetracked when you stumble into the color/brightness/hue/contrast menu, and since you are there anyway, make a few totally unnecessary changes in picture quality.
  13. Realize you are hearing the Wii menu music, not the DVD. Resume punching through receiver options, only faster this time.
  14. Have any other crew guy shoulder you aside and punch through the exact same buttons hoping for a different result, while all other lounge occupants have a lively discussion about possible problems and shout redundant and unhelpful suggestions at the guy currently messing with receiver.
  15. Have Driver explain receiver must be set to AUX 2, TV to channel 53 using the black remote, and speakers to ‘B’, with SAT/CBL button out, and Dish off. Also, do not use the microwave with the DVD player on.
  16. Driver remembers that front lounge DVD player has no audio output, but the one in back works, and he has been meaning to fix that on the next day off…
  17. a) Give up in disgust. Resume watching the Weather Channel. b) Unless you have been drinking. In that case, at least two people begin removing electronic components from media center for rewiring. Everyone else go to back lounge to watch Weather Channel or the DVD, because no one will be watching, or listening, to anything at all in the front lounge until after the next day off.